Fuckery: "Perfect Polly Pet" Infomercial - The Fake Plastic Thingy You Treat Like a Real Pet

One of my friends posted this on Facebook, and I wanted to de-friend them for posting something into my newsfeed that was sooo goddamn annoying. Perfect Pet Polly, AS SEEN ON TV, is a motion sensored fake parrot that will whistle and "sing" when it detects someone wants to be annoyed is in the room. But it's apparently so lifelike that grandma, or mom, won't know it's not a real fucking bird, or that live animals aren't made of felt and plastic. Sigh.

Really, though, that parrot would be smashed on sight if someone brought that, IN A BIRD CAGE, into my house. And it would be smashed slightly less on sight if I saw that in someone else's house.

Fuckery: There Are No Positive Words to Describe Flo Rida's Terrible, Terrible Infomercial

I still don't know what the fuck this commercial is selling, but whatever it is, I aint buying it, nor am I buying Flo Rida's acting. And he never takes his sunglass off the entire time, so I guess he's from the Lil' Jon camp in that if you are ever unfortunate enough to see him without his sunglasses, you'll immediately wonder how he ever became famous, got girls, had sex, or generally became a respectable human being.

And this acting? My god, porn stars act better than this. Flo Rida looks uninterested. I'm talking Nic Cage doing movies so he can pay his tax lien uninterested. In fact, Flo Rida looks like he was court ordered to participate in this late night infomercial, only the judge didn't mandate the number of takes, so Flo Rida was like, "ya'll bitches only get one shot at each line, and if I fuck it up, O WELL."

At one point in the commercial, the announcer says, "why spend thousands of dollars on equipment or frustrating music lessons" — sooooo, you're saying why spend time and effort on talent? — "when you can get Flo's Beamz AND music instantly?" — soooo, you mean make music as shitty as Flo Rida's? Nahhhhhh, no thanks. Man, fuckouttahere. Shouts to Pigeons and Planes.