My Journey Into the Land of Drunk Monopoly Was an Abject Failure

Drunk Monopoly left me white girl wasted

I woke up on the cold, hard bathroom floor to my girlfriend shaking me and telling me that Elyse was at the door to pick up the coke. She could just as easily have been saying pizza was at the door and she needed money to pay, or any other assortment of words being strung together to form a sentence that included someone being at the door. What was she actually saying? Idk, I was drunk as shit, passed out on the bathroom floor, the result of playing drunk Monopoly.

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A group of 5 friends and myself were at boozy brunch on Sunday. By all accounts, it went well. Too well. During the last pitcher of mimosas, I threw out two ideas for what we should do after: I said we should go bowling or grab a few bottles from the liquor store and playing some drunk monopoly at my house.

We chose option number 2. Bad idea.

We stop by the liquor store and get a half gallon of Jameson, a half gallon of Skyy, a fifth of Cinerator (a more potent and less syrupy Fireball) and two bottles of Andre. Total cost: $124.

This is all that remained....

After arriving at my house, I browsed a few sites to get an idea of what type of drinking rules we should have, and I landed on the following: You must take a shot of Jamo, vodka, cinerator, etc every time you:

1. Land on Free Parking
2. Have to pay more than $50 to Free Parking
3. Land on a utility (doesn't matter if you own it or not)
4. Land on a railroad (doesn't matter if you own it or not)
5. When you go bankrupt.

Additionally, you got to assign a shot to someone every time you received $100 or more from a Community Chest/Chance card. And it wouldn't truly be Monopoly without being able to barter shots when negotiating deals. 

There are 3 drinks...They're all mine. No wonder

I don't remember much, but here are some notes that I do:

1. Don't play drunk monopoly after boozy brunch
2. Ignore note number 1 and simply don't play drunk Monopoly
3. I struck a deal with someone where I would give them one of my railroads if they took 3 shots of fireball (we consummated the deal)
4. Someone couldn't stop rolling 10s and hit all four railroads in four straight turns — taking four shots in 10 minutes
5. At some point, one player departed the game and went to Wholefoods to go shopping, drunk. I spoke to him a few days later and he said he only forgot about 5 items on his shopping list
6. A lot of semi-bitterness emerged when people assigned shots to other folk. After a while, it's like, "fuck, please don't make me take another shot."
7. You can never really anticipate how many shots you'll have to take in a game of drunk Monopoly. I mean, really, everyone probably took 10+ shots in the hour or so before I passed out.
8. You might pass out.
9. I asked two friends, two weeks later, what their memories were: (1) "I was drunk" and (2) "It was a bad idea"

And that's all I remember about my time playing drunk Monopoly. But when you drink for two hours and then start playing Monopoly, you end up with Blackout Monopoly.